im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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