No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
