I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
