So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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