I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
