I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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