before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
