The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
