You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
