I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
