is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
