guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
