guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
