since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
