Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
