just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
