Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I enjoy the company of your penis
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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