I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
