I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
