he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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