I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
