i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
