WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
