well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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