2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
