Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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