Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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