Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
