Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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