My room smells like vodka and shame
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
