he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
