are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
