So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
