I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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