Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
