i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
