Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
