I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
