take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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