life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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