It's Friday. Sex?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
