Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
