i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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