my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
