if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
