The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
