Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
