yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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