Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
