marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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