Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
