Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
