Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There r osticjed everywhere
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
