Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
