Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
